I wish I would have written this as it happened, or closer to when we left the NICU. It was such a strange time and experience, kind of like the "Twilight Zone" of babies. At Fairview, the "Birthplace" or maternity ward is on the 4th floor. The NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) is all the way down on the 1st floor. After Ryan first went in, I could not go down and see him unless someone could get me down there in a wheelchair. Thankfully the nurses were always willing to do this when family members could not. After a while, I was making that trip up and down so often I could do it in my sleep.
The NICU was set up in a circle with twelve rooms circling a nurse's station. Ryan was in room 12. For Ryan's first few days, I honestly didn't go down too often unless we had visitors that wanted to see him. The nurses and doctors stressed that Ryan really needed calm and quiet and the fewer people that were in his room, the better. There wasn't much I could do except sit in the room with him. On Friday morning (the day after he was born), I went down to see him and the nurse on duty asked if I wanted to hold him. I pretty much lost it, started crying immediately. There's probably not a ton of new moms who have a baby and then have to wait 24 hours to hold him, and I honestly wasn't expecting that I was going to be able to for a while. It was tricky to get him out of his little bed and hold him with all his medical equipment, but it still helped me feel a little more like his mom. His oxygen saturation levels went up and stayed high while I had the chance to hold him.
Laura came to visit nearly every day but really didn't like to see Ryan. The CPAP mask covered a lot of his face, and Laura is not a fan of masks. She would peek at him and ask to go out of the room, so I would spend time walking around the unit with her while Mike got some time in with Ryan. They had a family room there with books, coloring books, and crayons, so Laura would ask to go in there. There was also a little nook with snacks and drinks in a fridge for parents, which was a really nice thing to have access to.
I was discharged from the hospital on Monday, May 14, but was able to stay there until the 21st when we brought Ryan home. Fairview calls it "bed and board," and they provide a room free of charge so parents can stay and be close by to the NICU. It was a wonderful thing; driving back and forth all the time would have been really difficult and more stressful than things already were. I can't imagine how hard it is on families that have kids in the NICU for months. Mike stayed at home and worked and continued to bring Laura to daycare. I would spend the mornings with Ryan, waiting for the doctors to do rounds and get information about Ryan's progress (or lack thereof on certain days). In the afternoon, often Mike or my mom would pick me up and bring me home for a few hours so I could be with Laura and have dinner with my family. Then Mike and Laura would bring me back to the hospital, we'd visit Ryan, and say goodbye. This was so hard every night, and quite often ended up with Laura or me crying, usually both! Mike was a trooper driving back and forth all the time, dealing with the separation trauma, and mostly single-parenting Laura.
Once I was able to breastfeed Ryan, I was pretty much making the trip downstairs every three hours. I usually pumped the midnight feeding and sent it down to the NICU, but would frequently go down for the 3am feeding. It's strange walking the halls of the hospital in the middle of the night, but the NICU was always busy and there were always nurses around to talk to. I would spend most of my feedings watching Ryan's monitors to see his oxygen saturation levels. 89 was the magic number...if his levels dropped below 89, a little dinging sound would go off in his room and at the nurse's station to alert them. You could sit there and literally hear that noise from one of the rooms every couple of minutes or so; it was the soundtrack of the NICU. It felt peaceful to be there though, my room upstairs was so lonely and quiet.
We learned quickly that progress is slow and Ryan's growth and recovery takes time. Every tiny milestone was celebrated and the nurses would get excited right along with us. They were great cheerleaders for him. This is already long enough, so I won't explain each milestone, but these are the things we celebrated:
May 14 - CPAP machine removed, switched to high flow nasal cannula
May 15 - Switched to low flow nasal cannula, taken off bilirubin light, 1st attempt at breastfeeding (successful!)
May 16 - Ryan's 1st bath, Laura gets to hold Ryan
May 17 - 1st bottle, IV taken out
May 19 - Taken off oxygen, sleeps/feeds on demand
May 20 - Removed pulse oximeter, other sensors
May 21 - We take Ryan home!
Nurses are amazing people. Ryan's nurses in the NICU were phenomenal. They cheered him on, they helped us see the positive steps and progress he was making when it didn't seem like much. They recognized and appreciated his personality - even though his feisty attitude made their job more difficult. They cared about our whole family, asked about and looked after Laura, brought me Kleenex when I cried, pushed the doctors for what they thought he needed, and more. I was so sad to leave them because they took such good care of Ryan and the rest of us. Of course we didn't want Ryan to have to be there, but we were glad we had a great team in the NICU.
Once I was able to breastfeed Ryan, I was pretty much making the trip downstairs every three hours. I usually pumped the midnight feeding and sent it down to the NICU, but would frequently go down for the 3am feeding. It's strange walking the halls of the hospital in the middle of the night, but the NICU was always busy and there were always nurses around to talk to. I would spend most of my feedings watching Ryan's monitors to see his oxygen saturation levels. 89 was the magic number...if his levels dropped below 89, a little dinging sound would go off in his room and at the nurse's station to alert them. You could sit there and literally hear that noise from one of the rooms every couple of minutes or so; it was the soundtrack of the NICU. It felt peaceful to be there though, my room upstairs was so lonely and quiet.
We learned quickly that progress is slow and Ryan's growth and recovery takes time. Every tiny milestone was celebrated and the nurses would get excited right along with us. They were great cheerleaders for him. This is already long enough, so I won't explain each milestone, but these are the things we celebrated:
May 14 - CPAP machine removed, switched to high flow nasal cannula
May 15 - Switched to low flow nasal cannula, taken off bilirubin light, 1st attempt at breastfeeding (successful!)
May 16 - Ryan's 1st bath, Laura gets to hold Ryan
May 17 - 1st bottle, IV taken out
May 19 - Taken off oxygen, sleeps/feeds on demand
May 20 - Removed pulse oximeter, other sensors
May 21 - We take Ryan home!
Nurses are amazing people. Ryan's nurses in the NICU were phenomenal. They cheered him on, they helped us see the positive steps and progress he was making when it didn't seem like much. They recognized and appreciated his personality - even though his feisty attitude made their job more difficult. They cared about our whole family, asked about and looked after Laura, brought me Kleenex when I cried, pushed the doctors for what they thought he needed, and more. I was so sad to leave them because they took such good care of Ryan and the rest of us. Of course we didn't want Ryan to have to be there, but we were glad we had a great team in the NICU.
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